ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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