mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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