so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
