Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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