a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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