Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
