dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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