just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
