It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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