There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's blow job season.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
