she woke up with a sticky ear
handjob tips. give me some.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to make out with him forever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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