no, he came in my armpit
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
