Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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