I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I could make wine with my vomit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
