No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
