6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
