I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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