We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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