I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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