it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize