clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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