Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
