Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize