I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
