I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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