when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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