fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You made out with two different species that night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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