This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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