Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize