around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
