i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
