if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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