your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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