He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
