I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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