i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
