My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
