And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
