Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
