Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
