He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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