How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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