i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
