Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
