Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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