So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
