There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
