You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
