All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
