Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
