Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
