I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
