Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am naked and annoyed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
