I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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