Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
