Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
