I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
