Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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