Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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