Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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