Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
