Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
