I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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