just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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