I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
