do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
