After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
