I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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