You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
